Krafty Kitten

A chill is in the air as fall and winter begin to descend on Northern Indiana.  I should consider myself lucky that we had such pleasant weather lasting through September, but now I can see the leaves go from green to the yellow and red shades for fall.  The warm colors belie the coolness in the air though.  We had our first frost this week.

My tomatoes never did well, nor did anything else I planted this year.  I know part of it was the sheer distraction we experienced with the losses we suffered this summer, but I also blame the groundhog for eating my beans and the ground for sucking so hard.  There just isn’t enough good dirt to grow anything useful.  So, next year, Big Guy is building me a raised bed and we’re going to go through and add real dirt to the soul and hopefully do much better.

I finished my super secret project, which was a 9 square blanket for my sister-in-law for her birthday.  It turned out much better than I could have hoped for, considering the crunch I was under.  9 granny squares of 9 rounds, with each grouping 3 sets of triple stitches.  Clever enough for a birthday that occurred on September 9, 2009.

I’ve also been busy teaching.  I just finished a round of Composition 2 and am preparing to start a class for the basics.  This will be my first time teaching this particular class, so wish me luck!  I was telling Big Guy, I really do love teaching and it is rewarding to see people connect with the language.

We received our Angel Food Ministries box and already have made some tasty meals from it.  My personal favorite involved pork chops, pears and fresh sage from my garden.  It was truly delicious and the pears complemented the pork beautifully.  I also made chicken and beans in the crock-pot because we received two HUGE chicken breasts so I used one breast with beans and I think the other might be slated for some homemade chicken soup.  Yum!

Well, Big Guy’s job situation was finally clarified and his hours were cut.  Down to practically half.  He’s now on contractor status but can only work a total of 24 hours per week, no benefits.  So, we’re implementing some serious budgeting measures.

We’ve gone back to ordering from Angel Food Ministries and I am going to prepare weekly menus.  Angel Food Ministries is an excellent source for good cheap food.  $30 and you get an order of food that is billed as “enough to feed a family of four for a week”.  This month’s order comes with steaks, chicken, pork chops, ground beef, veggies and fruit, eggs and a dessert.  It’s pretty well balanced and you can come up with ways to stretch it.  We order one box at a time and can generally make it last the whole month.

I’ve also got a running tally of our funds on an excel spreadsheet to keep track of our budget.  We’re going to run into some issues because what we’re bringing in is less than what we need per month.   If we’re careful with the payout for his vacation time, we may be able to limp along until he either gets another job or they decide they need him full time.

He is looking for another job, both full and part time, and I’m working on teaching.  If we can keep it up, things should be OK.

I know I’ve been gone for a while but life and work have taken up most of my attention.  Our garden, despite late breaking efforts, has not fared so well this summer.  Big Guy and I both think that our difficulties this summer had something to do with it.  I am able to harvest some very delicious tomatoes which are FINALLY turning red.  The coolness of the weather this year affected their color and I still have more green tomatoes than red ones.

We’re coming to the end of the August class.  Starting next week, I have another class of students and the cycle starts all over again. I’ve decided to go in a different direction in some cases, especially since I have access to a nice computer and a projector.

However, in the meantime, I need to finish up my OMGSUPERSECRET project because I lost a week I thought I had to work on it.  And that is what I am doing today.  I am over 2/3rds done, I just need to get that final push done and finish it this week.  Once that’s done, I can breathe a little easier and actually have some free time.  Go me!

Right now, Little Guy and I are watching MSNBC’s coverage of the death of Senator Kennedy.  It truly is a sad day.  I can only hope the health care bill doesn’t fail because of this.  That would truly be horrible.  Something that man worked so hard for, he got so close to seeing the frution of his life’s work…  And then he dies.  It’s truly a tragic story, and perhaps another chapter of the Kennedy Curse.  I’ll post more thoughts on this later, particularly my reactions to the disgusting comments the Rabid Right have posted across the internet.

On the humerous side of this story.  Senator Kennedy was known as the “Lion of the Senate.”  Every time that moniker is placed on the screen, Little Guy exclaims: “Oh!  A Lion!”  He recognizes the word.  My sweet boy, so smart and turning in to such a good reader!

It’s been a busy week. I have to admit, I am glad it’s almost over.  For me, it really is.  I don’t have class tomorrow because they are moving to the new building and that means no teaching at all until Monday.  What a break!

Now, aside from grading, I really have time to focus on some other things…  Like writing in my blog and working on my OMGSOSUPERSOSECRETPROJECT and working on my novel. It’s been a rough summer, and it is probably only just beginning to hit us exactly how rough a summer it was.  I am going through, getting rid of clothes and gathering up toys, now that the house is mostly empty.  We’re still trying to adjust to life without the kids and it’s beginning to hit me exactly how much I put into the kids.

When Big Guy and I got together, I was determined to be the best step-mom ever.  I read books, made sure I didn’t overstep my bounds, and tried to follow the best, most rational advice available.  I offered support and guidance to my husband when he tired of the games his ex was playing and really devoted a lot of time and effort into both the battle and making sure the kids had the best chance at sanity that I could provide.

So, for six years, I threw myself whole-heartedly into being a step-parent, to the exclusion of many things that I really should have been doing for myself.  And this May, when that effort was revealed to be useless, I really felt betrayed and destroyed by it.  But, through June and July, other things occupied my thoughts and time.  And now, I’m left with myself, Big Guy and Little Guy.  And it’s leaving me feeling a bit jittery.

So, where do I go from here?  Well, I work on something else.  I focus on the things that are important, like Big Guy and Little Guy.  I work on my projects.  And I sit back and breathe, take stock of where I am and figure out what I am feeling (aside from the surface emotions).  This is a new chapter in my life, let’s see what it says…

I recently dumped the photos from my camera.  It had been a while and now my batteries are dead so it’s time to recharge them.  Luckily, I managed to get pictures of a great, relatively cheap meal that Big Guy and I partook in.

We had taken our friend shopping since her car quit working.  While we were at Kroger’s, we looked at some of the stuff that was “priced for quick sale”.  They had to get rid of it or else it was going to go bad.  This included 2 salmon filets and 2 portabello caps. We also had 3 bell peppers in the fridge, which we sliced with some onion and then grilled the entire set.  We used olive oil and went very light on the seasonings.

It was amazingly fresh and delicious.

I also spent most of today cleaning.  I managed to get our family room in reletively OK shape.  I vacuumed, picked up, and threw out all the excess papers that we seem to hang on to, “just in case”.  We’ve got company tomorrow, arriving for a D&D game.  And there was no way I was going to have company in our house when it looked like a tornado had decimated the place.

We’re going to start buckling down now that things are slowing down, and hopefully, we’ll be able to come to some sort of peace in the house as well.  We’ll pack up some of the kids’ clothes and toys and take them to Goodwill.  It’s important that we start reclaiming our lives and moving forward.

“You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it” - U2
Last month, I decided, was a wash.  Between Big Guy’s toes and my aunt passing away and the class I was teaching, the month got away from me and nothing got done.  It was all I could do to keep up with Little Guy and the class I was teaching.  Hence, my absence from my blog.

However, I am trying to get back in to the swing of things.  I have a class this month, teaching Comp II.  I am working on a super secret project for September.  And still planning on the aHarvest Market with my mom.  Sadly, though, my Garden is not thriving.  It’s growing, slowly… But I am really going to need to either add to or replace some of the dirt I have.

When we got back from Ohio in Mid July, we notice that we had a serious fly problem.  They had gotten in the house and were extremely annoying.  So, we made sure all screens were closed and began to come up with ways to get rid of the flies.

Unlike my mom, we have no chickens to get rid of flies, so we needed to come up with something less alive.  I finally settled on a homemade fly trap.  I took an empty beer bottle, water, sugar, a part of a banana peel, and dish soap and combine them.  The idea is that the water, sugar, and banana peel interest the flies and they will fly into the beer bottle to get some food to eat where it becomes a “Fly Motel” of sorts.  The narrow neck of the beer bottle ensures that it’s a one way trip and the dish soap prevents the flies from being able to land on the water and they drown instead.

Getting back into the swing of things, being creative, it’s still difficult…  But, as with most things, life rolls on whether or not you want it to, whether or not you feel ready.  Do you take part or do you sit at the side?

“And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It’s just a moment
This time will pass” - U2, Stuck in a Moment

It’s taken me a while to force myself to sit down and write. We arrived back from Ohio on Sunday evening and I am still trying to recover.  I’ve been working on this entry for a few days but am having trouble getting through it without crying

When we arrived on Friday, Big Guy, Little Guy and I went straight to the funeral home to meet our family there.  I am immensely glad that we left earlier than anticipated that day because it was good to be there from the beginning.  We were there before anyone else but only had to wait a few minutes before everyone else arrived.  The wake at the funeral home was slated to begin at 1 for the family..  And it was difficult.  But she received so many flowers and so many people came to see her and pay their respects.  After the prayer service, which began at 8 pm, we all went our seperate ways to crash.  I passed out but woke up before the alarm the next day.

I knew Saturday was going to be difficult.  The family needed to arrive back at the funeral home for the procession to the church.  And when we got to the church, the casket went in first.  As we followed behind, you couldn’t help but notice how full the church was.  It was truly a testament to what kind of person she was.  There was much crying from so many.  The worst part was near the end, as the priest waved incense and holy water over the casket.

There was a moment of humor at Communion.  As I was raised Irish Catholic, I know all the rites and rituals of the faith. I went up to communion out of respect for my aunt and to ease my mom’s suffering.  As I walked past her I glanced at my mom and she seemed to cry harder than she already was.  I found out later that she wasn’t crying, she was laughing.  I apparently had a “look” on my face as I walked by that amused my mom.

At the graveside, they had  a small percentage of flowers brought from the funeral home to the site.  The priest blessed the casket and then the service was over.  The Sheridan clan went and bade farewell to my grandfather as we left as well.  And, after lunch, we returned to my Uncle’s house for a real wake.  The food was homemade, most of it prepared (deliciously) by my cousin Laura.  And everyone had brought wine and beer (in memory of my aunt of course).

We drank, ate, and talked.  There was a lot of laughing and reminiscing, a lot of tears, and a lot of drinking.  There were only a few injuries, one of which included a scraped up toe on my part, ironically on the same foot as Big Guy’s broken toes, which my cousin thought I should put rubbing alcohol on to clean it out.  (Thanks Nick!)  I semi-graciously declined and opted for water and a band-aid instead.

The next day the flowers arrived from the funeral home and took up the entire floor of their living room.  We all helped unload the van from the funeral home and he van had to make two trips to get all the flowers.  My Uncle was kind enough to let us all take some of the flowers home.  I received a vase of stargazer lilies, daisies, and carnations.  It’s now placed on my kitchen table and is one of the first things I see, and smell, in the morning.

We are still in mourning, and will be for a while.  Everyonr talks about the fact that she would be angry with us for the weeping and unhappiness we feel.  My thought, she’s just going to have to deal with it.  Our world lost some of its vibrancy with her death and we all lost a part of ourselves.  I miss her, and considering I still miss my grandfather who has been gone for 11 years, I don’t see the sadness ending in the near future.  This is something we will have to get past and survive, rather than get over.  We’ll do it, it won’t be easy, but we’ll do it.

Colleen Sheridan Torres 1962 - 2009

Obituary

It’s been said that whatever the Irish do, they do with their whole heart and soul.  When they play, they play hard.  When they work, they work hard.  If there’s a party, the Irish are usually at the center of it and when they are in love, they love with every fiber of their being.  Because of that, when the time comes to grieve, it is also done whole-heartedly.  And my family truly embraces their Irish heritage.

Yesterday was a gorgeous day.  It started out rainy and dismal, overcast with leaden clouds.  But at about 10 am, the clouds parted and faded away and blue skies peeked out. Little Guy and I settled in for our daily activities when my phone rang.  It was my mother.

About 2 years ago, my aunt, Colleen, had been diagnosed with cancer.  She fought bravely and unceasingly.  Even 2 weeks ago, she talked about fighting and praying for a miracle.  But, when dealing with cancer, 2 weeks can bring even the strongest to their knees.  She lost her sight, she lost her ability to speak, she became trapped in a body that could no longer fight the illness that was ravaging it.  The hospice workers had made sure she was not in any more pain, but her body was failing.

My mom went back at the beginning of the week and told me that she was staying there as long as possible.  She’d been updating me daily since she left, so her calling was no surprise.  However, she told me that my aunt had passed away 20 minutes ago.

Little Guy, my sensitive boy, saw me crying and came running to me.  “What’s wrong mommy?  What’s wrong?  CALM DOWN!” He then brought me a sheet and tried to shove my head under it every time I cried.

The loss of my aunt is a hard and bitter pill to swallow.  My heart breaks. I still can’t believe she’s gone.  Many of my earliest memories involve her, ever-present with a ciggarette and a glass of wine.  How can this be?  How can such a vibrant, alive person be gone?

The commonly held stages of grief involve anger and denial, depression and finally acceptance.  I am definitely cycling through the early stages.  I can’t believe she’s gone, I’m angry that she’s been taken from us and I still cry.  We’re going out of town again to spend time with our family.  This time for a funeral.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
– Mary Frye

Colleen Sheridan Torres - 1962 - 2009
Is gairid ár gcairt ar an saol seo.

This weekend we’re heading out of town, heading to a graduation party for my cousin.  Last night, however, we had even more fun than a grad party.  We bathed our three cats to get rid of fleas.

I hate fleas.   When I first got baby girl Caitlin, she was COVERED in fleas.  It took several treatments before we finally got rid of them.  For some reason, white cats just draw fleas to them.  The flea baths went about as well as could be expected.  Caitlin yowled like she was being murdered and was terrified.  Jedi “mowed” in his Marvin the Robot voice and was also terrified.  Tiger….  Tiger was seething angry.  He looked at me as the bath began with this evil glare in his eye that dared me to bring my face close to him because he would gladly remove several layers of skin and muscle, and bone if he could manage it…

We ended up wrapping him in a towel and dipping him to make sure he was totally wet before we scrubbed him.  Pouring the water over him just seemed like it was asking for trouble.

After we scrubbed them all and released them to go lick their metaphorical wounds, we waited till they dried off more and then dosed them with a monthly application of flea medicine.  Hopefully, this will relieve them of their flea issues.  When we get home, we’re going to vacuum and spray the carpet as well.

Because of where we live, we may never be fully rid of fleas.  The park is built on seriously sandy soil.  But, we will do our best to mitigate the damage the fleas cause to our pets.

Class has started and is jam packed.  30 students in one writing class is a lot and is going to require some fancy dancing to make sure I get them all taught properly.  NOT looking forward to grading.  But I do enjoy the teaching.

Speaking of teaching, Little Guy and I are working hard on reading.  My sister-in-law loaned us her copy of the LeapFrog DVD “Letter Factory” which Little Guy LOVES.  It teaches phonics, the sounds each letter makes and Little Guy has taken to pointing out letters when he sees them now and making their sound.  Today, we even began practicing writing.

As I wrote out the alphabet for him, Little Guy named each letter and made its sound.  I was so proud of him!  And then he wanted me to help him write ‘A’.  So we wrote the letter A over and over and over again. He held the pen and I guided his hand.  At the end I just had my hand over his while he wrote the letter and he did really well.  But, when I took my hand off of his, then it turned into a big circle.

I think a big reason that he is so interested in reading is due to the fact that we have bookshelves and books in nearly every room.  The front bedroom and his room have bookshelves, the family room has bookshelves, and my bedroom has a bookshelf.  There’s books all over the place and so he sees books all the time.  Chris and I are big readers and writers, so he gets to see that in progress as well.

I am so glad that he does see that because it shows through his interest in reading and writing.