Krafty Kitten

Another great and relaxing weekend.  Our plans didn’t work out quite work out the way we’d thought, but it was still great to spend time with Big Guy and Little Guy.

On Friday, we took Little Guy outside to play with sparklers.  And by that, I mean Big Guy and I waved real sparklers around and we gave Little Guy a Glow Stick to play with.  He loved that glow stick, he even took it to bed with him and spent the next day asking for his “blue stick.  Truly, the pack of them was the best dollar we ever spent. However, trying to take pictures at night has revealed exactly how BUSY my boy is.

Yesterday, we got some free food from Subway and came home to plant Irises (Irii?) and Little Guy played with Neighbor Boy while Big Guy made tent poles and we cleaned out the pool.  Everyone got dirty, but in a good way.  We then grilled some chicken legs while Little Guy played in his newly cleaned pool.  After dinner, some of my college friends came to visit.  It was great to see them, especially since I hadn’t seen them in ages!  We spent a couple hours talking and laughing, and it was definitely something I wish I could do more often.

Today, Big Guy let me sleep in and when I got up we had a brunch of farm-fresh eggs (which I traded some fresh sage for), bacon, and flavored coffee.  We’ll probably go outside this evening, where I will try to plant snapdragons and Little Guy will play in his pool.  And then, inside for showers and to prepare for the week ahead.  Little Guy also found his dead glow stick from Friday and came wandering into the family room: “Oooohhhh Noooooo!  MOMMMY!  Turn it on! Need my blue stick.”

He’s getting to be quite the little person.

Monday I start two new independent studies for the month ahead.  A composition class and a comparative world lit class.  So, I need to prepare for those.  And I have a whole summer of peace and family time stretching ahead of me.  We may not be financially well off, but our ability to appreciate the time we have together is definitely our strong suit.

“I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight,
Losing my religion”

Losing My Religion - REM

What, you may ask, leads a properly raised Irish girl to, for all intents and purposes, abandon the Catholic faith and follow an older, heathen path?

Well, the answer would be simple, but it took years actually to find the spirituality I was comfortable with.  Growing up Catholic, I knew, much to my mother’s horror that the religion was not for me.  I remember the time approaching for my Confirmation, a time when a budding young Catholic “confirms” their belief in the Church’s teachings and becomes a full-fledged member of the Church.  My mother and I went the rounds on that issue but eventually she agreed that I did not have to do the ceremony.

I’d like to think it was the sheer awesomeness of my logical answers, but I was 13 so I am reletively confidant it was just my sheer stubborness on the matter.  After that, in my sophmore year, I went through a period where I was thinking about becoming a nun, and that same year I decided I was an atheist.

However, I soon gave up the atheism because they were as determined in their disbelief in God as the most vociferous televangelist is in his belief.  That really did NOT appeal to me.  At this point, I knew I didn’t believe in the Christian concept of God and I was not going to believe in the infallibility of one man in Vatican city.

I knew there was more to life, but I needed to find the proper outlet for it.  And I did.  In the New Age section of Barnes and Noble’s.  I hearkened back to my Irish Roots and did research on the ancient Irish gods and goddesses and decided that the path that most appealed to my spirit was that of the Ancient Celts.

In all honesty, I am a solitary practitioner, more closely aligned with a hedge-witch than a druidic sort.  I know the need of plants and their medicinal and spiritual uses, I believe in the need to be connected to nature and to preserve it rather than destroy it.  I believe that everyone has the right to their own beliefs, whether or not I agree with them.  And I am certainly not going to insist every one believe what I believe…

It just makes more sense to do so.

Today promises to start a busy, yet relaxed weekend.  Tonight, Sister-in-law is bringing the neices over for “movie night”.  Tomorrow, Mom is heading up to Detroit to watch my cousin graduate.  I am hoping to have a few friends over for a cook-out and margaritas.  Sunday, I might get to see my former fellow office prisoner, I mean secretary.

Tonight is “popcorn night” for my sister-in-law.  I offered for them to come here and I would make some real popcorn.  (I don’t go for the microwaved, cancer-inducing, junk.) I think she’s bring Robin Hood: Men in Tights.  I remember when that movie came out in the theater.  I was spending time with my grandfather that summer and we went to see it.

Big Guy and I talked about my “Jon and Kate” blog post yesterday.  We both recognize that the therapy we had only strengthened our marriage.  And, ironically, we owe it to his crazy ex.  She put so much pressure on the kids and on us in some sort of effort to break us, that it revealed that we did need to work on communication

So, we went to therapy.  It actually showed us h ow well off we were before we started talking to the therapist.  We had a series of intake forms that said things like: “Do you wish your spouse would beat you less?” “I wish my spouse would stop having sex with other people True or False?” “I wish my spouse wouldn’t call me names True or False?”

When we compared notes after that first intake meeting, we agreed that maybe we didn’t have nearly the work we thought we did.  We did learn better ways to communicate and we learned better times to communicate.  Pouncing on a problem immediately after work, bad.  Wait till there’s been time to relax.  Take turns talking and enforce the turns.  Repeat what you heard and make sure that was what was said.

Some of it seemed so common sense, but we weren’t following it and now that it’s been reiterated to us, we make sure to stop when things are getting heated and take stock of our communication.  It enables us to get on the right track if we aren’t and gives us a cool down time.  And, cool down times are important too.  But one thing we discovered was REALLY important.  We couldn’t be afraid to argue with each other.

We definitely got THAT out of the way! 

So yesterday, while I was folding clothes, I watched the season 5 premiere of Jon & Kate plus 8 .  The advertisements had showed that they were going to be responding to the uproar that had been surrounding them recently.  Watching it, I felt incredibly sad for this couple.

Jon admits he made a mistake and put himself in a compromising situation where he hurt his wife and his family but that nothing happened.  Kate says she’s very angry, which I can also understand.  If Big Guy pulled a similar stunt, I would be beside myself with fury.

Watching them, one thing that struck me was how ALONE they were.  Even when they sat on the same sofa and talked to the camera people together, their body language just screamed at how alone they were.  They didn’t touch each other, they didn’t really look at each other, they didn’t acknowledge the other person’s presence.  If they don’t find a way to get around the pain and reconnect, their marriage will be over.

I told Big Guy, I will drag him back to therapy if it looks like we’re heading in that direction.  You have to figure, at one point in time, they loved each other very much.  Enough to have 8 kids in a very short period of time.  Kate mentioned how she looked at the divorce rate for parents of multiples and was sure they were going to beat that…

When you take into consideration that 50% of ALL marriage end in divorce and include in that number that 80% of all second/subsequent marriages end in divorce, Big Guy and I are fighting some pretty huge odds.  Luckily we took steps a couple years ago to ensure the strength of our marriage and have managed to keep up our communication skills.

At the time, we were not only interested in  keeping our marriage strong for each other, but also showing the kids that good relationships were possible.  At the time, their mom had bounced her second husband in and out and was dating another guy on the side and the kids were aware of all of it.  Now, I’m glad we did it because after this horrible experience with the kids, it would break a weaker couple.

That’s not to say we don’t still have arguements from time to time, but Big Guy says the fact that I have ADD seems to actually improve the relationship because I’ll forget about my annoyances 15 minutes later and be happy again.  To a certain extent he’s right, if it’s something little, I can let go of it.  Right now, I’m obviously dealing with some anger in regards to the kids, but I have been very careful to try to keep it seperate from our marriage.

In any case, I wish the best of luck to Jon and Kate in figuring out if they want to continue their marriage or not.  I hope they do figure it out and do stay together, if only because the kids do love both of them and I’ve seen how horrible divorce can be.  But if they cannot come back together, don’t fight in front of the kids, don’t let them know you dislike the other parent, don’t make them pawns in the emotional game divorce turns into.

With all the excitement this past month, my housekeeping skills have been less than stellar.  I have a huge pile of laundry to fold, my family room looks like a tornado went through it.  Little Guy’s room and the front room haven’t fared much better.  And we need me to clean dishes.

What I’m going to have to do is set the timer and do each job for about an hour.  Otherwise nothing will get done.  Of course, trying to plan cleaning around an active three-year-old is risky business.  There’s a reason that my family room looks like a tornado went ripping through it.

At some point I also need to grade the papers I received yesterday and prepare the final exam.   And tomorrow I go in and sign my independant study contracts for next month!   I’m teaching both Composition and World Lit.  I’m really looking forward to it.  The money is nice and we need it, but I love teaching English.

Big Guy says it’s obvious that I am happier at home during the day and teaching at night than in my time as a secretary.  I do miss my faculty members, but I also feel much better teaching English.  And, being with Little Guy makes me feel useful too.

Right now, he knows all his letters and can count to 20 with no problems.  We’re working on counting to 30.  He’s also started writing on his own.  He’s drawn a C and an O and told me what he was writing.  I think some of it may be accidental, but it’s a start.  Now that he’s shown interest in it, I can sit him down with paper to work on it.  Though, I wish he would take as much interest in potty training.

All right.  Time to get cracking.

I’m sorry that I failed to update yesterday, but we were out all day. 

We went to lunch and shopping with Chris’s co-worker.  Due to my need to come up with a name for her and the fact that she’s likely to become a neighbor, I’ll go by what she refers to herself as from time to time, Dragon.   I was dubbed an “evil influence” because she picked up more skeins of yarn.  I did too, but because she went ahead and purchased some, I’M the evil influence.  However, despite my evil influence, she applied for a place in our park and will hopefully be moving out here.  Awesome!

Her elbow is swollen and tender to the touch.  We finally convinced her to go in to see the doctor who thinks it’s an infected spider bite.  This is why I hate spiders.   More than 4 legs = BAD.

We then went to the In-laws’ house to fix the computer before their return from overseas.   I helped my oldest neice and my sister-in-law tie-dye handkerchiefs in her school colors so Neice could sell them and earn money.  It was fun and I can’t wait to see how they turn out.

I also got the pictures from my mini-nature walk with Little Guy off the phone and have them available for viewing. On our walk by the creek, we went under a fallen tree and rounded a corner to find a waterfall.  It was surprisingly idyllic, considering this little path ran in the back of an industrial park.

We saw squirrels, ducks, a fish swimming against the current, but no frogs.  He also saw a cricket and butterflies.  There was a honeysuckle bush, which Little Guy was a bit wary of until I showed him what to do.  Near the end of our walk, we came across a little patio behind one of the buildings.  They had set up a picnic table and a bench swing.  Little Guy and I sat there for a few minutes listening to the wind in the trees and the birds singing.  We compared it to an episode of Blue’s Clues where they discussed different sounds outside.

By “we compared”, I mean I pointed out some of the sounds they had on Blue’s Clues to what we were hearing.  “Do you remember the sound of the stream that Steve sat by?  Didn’t it sound like this stream?”  My hope is that he will start making these connections himself.

The petting zoo we went to afterwards provided much amusement and laughter for Big Guy and I.  Little Guy went up to the animals but was terrified of them eating the food from his hand.  He’d run up, dump the pellets and then run back giggling.

 So, of course, I ended up with animal slobber all over my hands in a vain effort to get Little Guy to feed them.  It was amusing… Until we went up to the hand sanitizer dispenser they had available and I realized that it was empty.  Yay sticky, slobbery hands.

I’m such a good mom.

Yesterday was our Role-playing game (Vampire: The Masquerade) night.  Prior to that, we had planned on helping Chris’s co-worker move some furniture and ended up meeting her at the office.  Behind the office is a creek and Little Guy and I walked beside it for a ways while Big Guy and his co-worker tried to figure out why the truck wouldn’t start.  We saw fish, butterflies, a little waterfall, and sat on a bench one of the other businesses had put out by the creek.  After that, we went to a mearby nursery which had a petting zoo.  Little Guy desperately wanted to go inside the pens and asked us repeatedly to “open a doors”.  I’ll have to get those pictures off my phone though.

After that we went to meet up with the gamers.  We started the night off with a great cook-out with our fellow gamers and Little Guy had a blast. I brought a small thing of bubbles and kept him occupied during the cookout and he went and pestered all the other people to draw letters and numbers on their character sheets.  He was out relatively early for him though, after playing hard the whole day.

Today, we woke up to a small voice: “Mommy, Daddy?”  Big Guy went and opened the door to Little Guy’s room and was greeted with a cheerful yell of “DADDY!”  Little Guy came running into our room and jumped on the bed and proceeded to ‘bonk’ me with the pillows.  We all lounged around in bed, smacking each other with pillows until we decided it was worth getting out of bed.
We discussed going in to New Buffalo to a large train set up, but Big Guy really wanted to stay close to home.  I think he’s feeling more comfortable at home right now.  He said he wanted a relaxing day at home with his wife and son.

So, I slathered Little Guy up in SPF 50 and Big Guy put the slide in the pool.  As soon as I started watching him play, Little Guy requested my presence in the pool.  I cut the legs off a ripped pair of jeans and donned an old t-shirt and joined him in the pool.  Big Guy put the slide in the pool and then decided he wanted to clean the siding on the back of the house.

So, for a few hours Little Guy and I played in the pool.  We’d take breaks and blow bubbles and look at flowers but he always wanted back in the pool. I’d take breaks every so often, dry out, and managed to get a couple more bean plants planted.  When he started getting difficult and fractious, I took him back to give Daddy a kiss before I laid him down for a nap.

That turned out to be my downfall.  Big Guy took advantage of my proximity and the fact he was holding a hose and squirted me down.  He got to lay Little Guy down since I was back to being dripping wet.

We ran out briefly to get a pack of Bratwurst to grill for dinner and then realxed and ate these rather large “hop dogs”.  The sunset was spectacular and really made life look rosy and happy.

There’s been a tremendous amount of stress off of us and this has ended up being one of the best holidays we’ve had for a while.  There’s no pressure, no wondering what the next shoe is, no planning or qualifying our plans for the other kids.  There’s no struggle to make sure we have enough food for everyone.  We relaxed and had a great day.  And there’s still one more day left in the weekend!

I had been considering a post on the stages of grief but when I asked Big Guy for his input, he came up with a better suggestion.  He said I should talk about the importance of friends and family in times of difficulty.  And he’s right, it’s better to focus on the positive aspects when you are struggling.

Friends can provide solace and comfort no matter what problems you may encounter.  Of course, maintaining friends takes as much work as a romantic relationship.  You have to decide what quirks and foibles you are willing to put up with and decide how much someone means to you when they start to get really annoying.

But, even with their weird sides, friends are a great deal of fun.  They are people you can do stupid things with, people whose sense of humor may mesh in an interesting  way with your own.  People who enable you to see sides to things you didn’t think possible.  And, people who put up with your own abnormalities.

I have my dark side.  I have sometimes lack the ability to NOT say exactly what I’m thinking.  Big Guy has his dark side too.  Not only is he a huge geek, he also has a tendancy to say things in exactly the wrong way.  Our friends put up with that for (what I assume) are the good sides to us.  Our ability to live and let live, our ability to let slights and insults go, and our sheer adorableness.  Well, maybe not that last part.  But more for Little Guy’s sheer adorableness.

We would not make it through our tough times without our friends.

Today has been a busy day.  This morning, Neighbor Girl stopped by to borrow some stuff.  While she was here, mom arrived.  While I helped mom, my sister-in-law came over.  While my sister-in-law was here a friend, WhiteyBare, stopped by.  Everyone wants to spend time with me.  But then, I do serve a purpose.  I sold the flute to my sister in law, taught my mom how to set up her blog, and helped WhiteyBare with his resume.

Mom brought me more eggs in exchange for fresh sage.  Little Guy and WhiteyBare had a blast taking each other down with the remnant of some foam swords.  We also sang “You’re Gonna Go Far Kid” which CJ enjoys.

We’re had an unexpected cookout tonight with WhiteyBare and Big Guy’s co-worker.  Grilled chicken topped the menu.  While we were outside, we set up the pool, much to CJ’s excitement.  We also planted some beans and I emptied the flower seeds into the new front garden.

After Little Guy went to bed, we cracked open Dessert and alcohol.  Unfortunately, Comcast has not fixed their line issues yet so we couldn’t watch any of the movies available On Demand.  It also screws up our internet access.  Right now, they are giving us what amounts to free access until they get it fixed.

We’re looking forward to a relaxing weekend for a change.  No drama, all fun.

We dug up the gardens last night.  I moved the pumpkins closer to each other and now have to dig up the dirt to plant the seeds.  I managed to get the extra Snapdragon and Bachelor Button seeds into the dirt.  Now to pray they don’t get eaten up by birds.

Each day, Little Guy reveals more and more of his own personality that is amazingly hilarious.  Apparently, when Big Guy got home from dropping me off to teach class, he removed Little Guy’s shoes and annouced: “Stinky Feet!  Pashew!”

Little Guy’s response was: “Noooo!  Mommy washed my shoes.  They are clean!”

Tonight’s class went fairly well.  I babysat another class while teaching my own and managed to get the information that needed to be imparted to my class while guiding the other class to their assignment.  I did think it was hilarious that the teacher I was covering for had told her class that they HAD to show up on time on Thursday, 6 pm.  No less than six people showed up late.  AFTER I had sent the remainder of the class down to the library to do their assignment.  After 6:15.   Makes you wonder what would have happened if she had given them permission to show up late.

My class is working on persuasive essays.  They need to learn to tone down the writing.  They throw filler phrases in there and it detracts from their point.  What I think I will do the next time I teach a comp class is have them go over their rough drafts with me.  That way I can nip some of these problems in the bud before they begin infecting their papers.

I find myself wondering where the week went.  I keep thinking today is the 19th.  When I checked the date and realized it was the 21st, I really gaped at the computer screen.  “When did that happen?” I wondered, and then realized it happened over the past two days.  Tomorrow, I’ll see my mom and my sister-in-law and we have the holiday weekend coming up.  Game on Saturday, and then nothing that I can think of off the top of my head for Sunday and Monday.  REJOICE!  I’m looking forward to peace and relaxation with my husband and child.

Maybe I’ll finally get the beans planted.